Weird Things That Happened After My Engagement

1. My body was shaking for an entire day and I felt compelled to call people whose calls I usually ignore. I even called my grandmother. She promised to spread the word to my mother's siblings, and after one call, forgot, apparently, since 5 out of 6 never heard the news.

1a. I bought a pile of wedding magazines and oohed and aahed over them for a good 75 minutes. Then I got bored. I think they'll be more useful after I square away the ceremony and reception locations.

2. Going to weddings became more like work, in the stay-sober-enough-to-remember-the-details kind of way. Where, when, what kind of food? How long does the open bar stay open and can you get any kind of liquor or just bottom-shelf? I ordered a cognac at the rehearsal dinner and watched the waiter add it to the tab. Aha! Pasta bar, chinese food bar, japanese food bar, mexican food bar . . . can the chefs really be that diverse, that talented? No. I terrorized one dessert station after all the guests left the party. I took a silver spoon and fed myself right out of the sundae bar, stuffed my face with cookies and stuffed some more into my purse. It was like Willie Wonka's Chocolate Factory all to myself. But that's a lot of food (read: money) wasted. I was stuffed way before I made it to the mini-tarts and truffles and I mean it -- I was the ONLY one there. And if get away from the food and booze long enough to check out the flowers or the table settings, what do you see? Tall vases with flowers floating in water, spot-lighted by gel-covered bulbs, lots of silverware and glassware, and party favors. Anyhow, I'll need a separate post to cover everything.

4. I wanted to learn how to cook and started buying herbs, like thyme.

4a. I bought a pink binder and labeled it, "Planning the Wedding of the Century." Wedding of the Century? A PINK BINDER? This is what I'm saying -- weird things started happening!

5. I daydreamed about having a pet.

6. I started smoking again, but my hacking cough and perma-sore-throat came back, so I quit again. Kind of.

7. Flirting started to feel "wrong," in the punishment-by-divorce kind of way.

8. I flash my ring or hide it depending on who I'm around. Not men, but sales people or my yoga teacher. A friend with a huge ring said she doesn't wear it all the time because she'd rather be Pretty Woman pre-Edward Lewis -- you know, see the shopgirl's true colors, if you're picking up what I'm throwing down.

9. Other things I can't think of right now. I still didn't call Insitu. My brain is clearly fried.

PS.

I forgot to call Insitu again.

Receptions

This is the hardest part so far. Since I never got further in my wedding day daydream than a white dress and an aisle, I have absolutely no vision of where I want to get married. Neither does he, but whatever he isn't envisioning is still wreaking havoc on "the search."

I realized I forgot to tell you three important details:

a. We are getting married in New York City. Probably Manhattan, but maybe Brooklyn. For a few blissful moments I envisioned a ceremony on one side of the Brooklyn Bridge and a reception on the other so my guests and my (newly deemed) husband and I could ride across the bridge at sunset. After three months of searching, I don't need a bridge, a ride, or even a view. I need a place that has my deposit.

b. We are getting married in September 2008, which means I have plenty of time to plan since I started in July. I'm assuming all brides-to-be dilly dally for three months. If I'm wrong, I might be an ass, but don't let me make one out of you.

c. Our guest list is about 170 and we want a sit down dinner.

Now about the reception. Here's where I've looked so far, with my thoughts:

Wave Hill -- Gorgeous, but I don't want an outdoor wedding because I don't want to fear Mother Nature. On the night before my friend's wedding, the whole family stood with the pastor after rehearsal, held hands in a circle, and prayed (to God) for sun. It had been raining for the whole week. The next morning, there wasn't a cloud in the sky! Great story, but I'm not taking my chances. I think Wave Hill has an indoor option, but it's too small for our party.

The Elevated Acre -- Also gorgeous. I would have ditched my practical idea about indoor weddings for this place because I like that it's an unusual venue. Also, Jackie Lee, the person who showed it to me and my parents, was super nice and helpful. It's situated above the East Side Highway so it was a little loud. The kitchen and bathrooms are in the adjacent building and this worried my mom. My fiance didn't like it and no argument could sway him.

The UN Delegate Dining Room -- We never went to see this place, but it's run by the Elevated Acre people (Aramark) so Jackie sent pictures. We all love the building, but the ballroom pictures were uninspired. My sister thought the carpet was ugly. My mom concurred. I had been there for this party called "Celebrate Torino!" . . . yeah, I don't know -- there's just something that bothers me about celebrating my wedding day in a place where the Italian government marketed one of its cities. Call me snooty. Jackie quoted this:

The price per person includes continuous open bar, passed hors d'oeuvres and one station for the cocktail reception, a three course dinner including wedding cake, champagne toast, and wine service. Price per person is plus 20% service + NYS tax + $5500 UN Building & Security Fee.

Studio 7 -- This one is a loft space in Chinatown. It's nice enough, run by this guy Paul who's a photographer and videographer by trade. I think he lives there. He was nice enough, too, but I got the feeling he was more interested in taking pictures at my wedding than hosting it. (His prices are out of my photography budget.) In the end, even though the rental fee was reasonable, we would have had to bring in sound equipment, we wouldn't have been able to use the roof besides for pictures, there are only two bathrooms, and the elevator is small and slow.

Manhattan Penthouse -- This is one of the old standards as far as wedding locales go. It was filthy when I saw it, just coming off a Sunday night wedding. The woman I met apologized and I don't doubt they do a nice job cleaning up, but the space and the packages they push . . . well, it feels canned. I knew right away this wasn't for me. She quoted me this:

$5000
$110-140 per head
Plus 20% gratuity
Premium open bar
Rentals included
Cake, flowers, photography, and music not included

Westside Loft -- It's a wrap-around loft space in mid-town. I thought it looked run down, and again, the packages felt canned. A lot of people get married at this place and other spaces the company owns, like Studio 450. It was already booked on the date in September I want. Also, by the time I saw it, I was realizing that a loft space probably isn't a great idea unless it has a large terrace or a roof where people can get some fresh air and/or smoke. (I'm finding there aren't many places that make it easy for smokers, a problem since weddings are beacons for the social smokers among us.)

Smack Mellon -- I loved this place from the pictures, but the representative I spoke with was so unaccomodating (read: bitchy) I let it go. As I've mentioned, planning a wedding is a pain in the ass. I don't plan to deal with pain-in-the-ass people, too.

PowerHouse -- I like it, and I've been inside on a regular business day, but it's on the high-end price-wise ($7500, I think) so I'm not investing any more time right now.

The Xchange -- Another loft space. I love this place and right now it's definitely the front runner. The woman who showed me around was friendly and empathetic. The view from the roof is spectacular to say the least and the space is well-maintained. The fiance thinks the columns are a problem because people will be goosenecking trying to see the speeches and things. Also, there's the smoking issue and maybe it would be just a little too small if the entire guest list shows.

Other places I considered, but didn't get very far with were the Whitney, Cooper Hewitt, Ross Whitaker Studio (no weddings), the National Academy, Capsule Studio, Pochran Studios (too small), Maritime Hotel, Tribeca Rooftop (too expensive because liquor overhead is high), Music Hall of Williamsburg (haven't heard back), and the Frick ($25,000 I think -- way too expensive, period), and more that I can't think of off the top of my head. These are places I've actually sought more information for -- the list would be a lot longer if I included all the places from Biz Bash, Great Locations I've seen, and just plain old recommendations I've heard.

That's why it's so infuriating when I find a place I really like (Xchange) and the fiance, who maybe looked at three websites, says, "Eh, let's not rush into anything."

Wedding Stylist

I haven't asked around too much about wedding stylists, but one time I was on the 5 Boroughs Ice Cream website when I came across this on the shout outs page:

•First and foremost my wife, Kim. Thank you is not big enough to cover the unending love, support, and patience you have shown me throughout this process! I love you. (And don’t worry-it’s gonna work!) And for anyone looking for the most gifted hair stylist/interior designer/ice cream maker I know: www.kimmyles.com

I've never tried 5 Boroughs, but I love ice cream! So I thought Kim Myles was a good place to start. I wrote to her and a few weeks later she wrote me back:

Contact Insitu Salon 212.533.1130 and ask for Paula (hair) and Kristen (makeup).

So I called Insitu and left a message for either Paula or Kristen. While I waited to hear back, I received another email from Kim, this time a thanks for my support. It turned out Kim was a contestant on (and has since WON) HGTV's Design Star. It was a mass email to her fan club, a club I had inadvertantly joined, but what the hey, "Kudos, Kim! I do support you! You're welcome!"

I asked myself, does this make her Insitu Salon recommendation all the more valid, or significantly less so? It really didn't matter since neither Paula and Kristen ever returned my call.

Then, one day many many days later, Paula called. On the message, she explained that Insitu had phone trouble and gave me her home line. I wrote it on a piece of paper and that's the last I saw of it. For the last week, day after day, I re-write and forget "Call Insitu Salon" in my kind-of handy Moleskine planner. Given our history, leaving a message seems like a waste of time.

I continue to pursue Paula and Kristen because they're the only lead I have. I googled "Wedding Hair" and came across a number of frightening websites. How can you choose? I know brides usually do a trial, but trials can run as much as $200 or more, so you don't want to just go around trying anyone. Also, if you're going to end up paying $300-$400 for yourself, and $250 for your bridesmaids, the person working the comb better know her stuff.

Welcome to my Blog

I'm getting married next September and so far the planning process has pretty much been a pain in the ass. I spend all my free time searching for venues and thinking about my future. I worry about where we're going to live and what I'm going to say about my bridesmaids in speeches. We never had a song so now we have to pick one that speaks for a 6 year relationship without being cheesy or overused. I worry about how my parents will get along with his parents when they meet for the first time. I can't find a place where we should have dinner. Trying to record all of the to-do's that pop into my head throughout the course of the day . . . well, that just drives me more batty. So forget it.

By the way, I do all this while he watches his favorite TV shows and poo-poos most of my ideas. And yeah, he wants to be involved, but so far two heads aren't better than one. I'm frustrated, but I continue. Why? Because he's a great guy and I'm happy we're getting married.

Since it's been difficult for me, I figure it's difficult for a lot of people. I created this blog to keep track of what I'm doing and maybe save some of you some time. I hope it helps us both. Feel free to get in touch if you have questions.

Something you should know:

I'm not hiring a wedding planner except for "day-of" stuff because I don't want my opinion swayed by someone claiming to know better than me. A few of my friends have told me, "You HAVE TO to hire a planner," but I know enough brides who planned on their own to know that I can handle it. "Day-of" means someone will handle all the logistics and mini-emergencies that come up on my wedding day. Oh, and by the way, I've heard the things that go wrong end up making the best stories so don't sweat it trying to make everything perfect. I'm going to try that, too.